Global Domination

Audio Autopsy - June 2009

01/06/09  ||  Global Domination

Mastodon: Crack the skye

7.5/10

Lord K: I don’t know why so many people praise this band. Some of them even paint them as the fucken second coming of Christ, if you will. I like the song “Iron tusk”, and that’s about it for me when it comes to Mastodon. That changes a little with this one, and I’m surprised. There’s no denying they know how to create some fairly unique music that tend to groove at times and confuse at others. Personally they will never be a huge hit becoz they wanna come across as sooo fucken special, and I was never a fan of special bands. Recommended tune: “Ghost of Karelia”. 6

Kampfar: “Crack the skye” is at times very good, but often pretentious and downright boring. Fuck it, fuck me, I’m not sure what to think of this album just yet. 6

The Duff: I wrote a review on this piece, and since having written it, nothing has changed. I never thought I would feel so satisfied listening to a Mastodon album ever again after “Blood Mountain”, which was disappointing for the utter masterpiece that is “Leviathan”. They did this while softening their tone and making one of the greatest prog metal albums of the last twenty years – one band that deserves the success they’re achieving. 9

Abyss: Never the one to disappoint, Mastodon tackles the subject of Ether full-on and shapes it into a thematic album that is as weird as it is brilliant. And that’s just the lyrics. Musically the band have taken the best ideas from “Blood mountain” and added that to the creative horn of plenty they tapped into on “Remission” and “Leviathan” and the result is nothing short of uniqe. As bravely adventurous as Tool and equally talented, the skye is the limit for Mastodon. 9

Old Man’s Child: Slaves of the world

6.75/10

Lord K: Galdur, Gildan, Göran, Goblin or whatthefuck that Dimmu guy’s name is sure uses this project to vent his not-fitting-into-Dimmu ideas (along with stuff that could as well be in Dimmu Borgir), and it works ok. Some real neat passages here and there mixed with equally as many lows make this album place itself somewhere slightly above the middle of the chart. Recommended tune: “Unholy foreign crusade” with its Dimmu passages. 7

Kampfar: “Pagan prosperity” was the first piece of black I thoroughly enjoyed and I’ve been a fan of both the genre and band ever since I first encountered it back in the 90’s. I’m not, however, a sworn fan of “Slaves of the world”. I like it, yes I do, but if in the mood for symphonic black I’d much rather spin “In defiance of existence”, “Vermin”, or anything made by Naglfar. 7

The Duff: Checked this band out years ago off the back of Dimmu, and I’m not as impressed as I once was. I thought these guys were a black metal band, but they’ve warped into something more tech, which doesn’t work in my mind; on the other hand, I admire Galder for showing he is still a decent fucken guitarist/musician, which appears to be becoming a getting-tougher-by-the-album-to-prove affair with his main project as the riffs on recent Dimmu discs are laughable; I hope this band breaks away from the “just a side-project” train of thought from casual fans as you can tell a lot of heart has gone into this, but personally I don’t see much point to Old Man’s Child and would rather Galder bring such a songwriting focus back into the Dimmu folds. 7

Abyss: Galder is a talented guy, not only does he play nice stuff in Dimmu Borgir but he also rips it up in a suitable evil manner on his extremely stupidly named band Old Man’s Child. For being a one man band (with exception of Peter Wildoer filling in on drums) OMC is quite impressive since usually critical analysis of songwriting tend to go out the window when you get to run your own ship (and toot your own horn). There’s quite a lot of good songs on “Slaves of the world” and if you’re a fan of melodic black metal in the vein of old Naglfar or Dimmu Borgir before they got all symphony-crazy, OMC is a good choice. 6

Heaven And Hell: The devil you know

6.5/10

Lord K: I never gave a fuck about Black Sabbath. Sure, they did some nice tunes and helped shaping metal to what it is according to some – but hey, alot of bands did that. Dio is still singing great and all that but Heaven And Hell is nothing to get yer party hat on for. I don’t give a shit. Heaven And Hell offer nothing interesting at all, though a song here and there is all fine with me. A bunch of fucken overrated nu-metal bastards. Only Tobben of Vomitory will get that joke. Don’t give up yer dayjobs. Time will tell… Recommended tune: I’d pick anything by Ozzy becoz he’s on TV. And TV is more fun than Heaven And Hell. 5

Kampfar: Competent heavy metal/doom performed by dudes older than your parents. But one of them dudes, namely Dio, sort of ruins the experience by using the exact same approach throughout the whole album. I know, he’s like 642 years old, but the elf in question is nonetheless the weakest link on this platter not named “The dildo you know”. 5

The Duff: For me further proof that Ozzy had very little to do with Sabbath’s magic. Goddamn I hope I can write riffs like this when I’m eighty-three; this stuff, even after all this time of these guys being a band, outshines many of the best imitators. Top this off with one of the finest pieces of album artwork this year and Dio’s testicles and you have a remarkably killer album. 8

Abyss: Mostly Heaven, a little bit of hell but God (Dio) sounds amazing. In other words; while some of the songs on this album don’t quite reach the quality you should demand of this classic line up of Black Sabbath, most of the songs have one (mostly several) redeeming factors that makes this almost as strong as “Mob rules” or “Heaven and hell”. And Dio sounds amazing! 8

God Dethroned: Passiondale

6.5/10

Lord K: Hysteric, competent, quite brutal, melodic at times, fine production, forgettable but enjoyable = God Dethroned. Recommended tune: “Fallen empires” holds up well though it’s nothing extraordinary compared to the rest of the album. That means it’s all quality. 6

Kampfar: If you’ve got God Dethroned tattooed onto your forehead, you imbecile, “Passiondale” will moist your cunt just like their last did. And the one before that. Yes, there are some lines of clean vocals to be heard but other than that it sounds to me as if God Dethroned anno 2009 is on semi-inspired autopilot. 6

The Duff: So God Dethroned are still kicking shitznizzle up. That’s nice. These guys sound more like Unleashed/Amon Amarth than the black metal band I thought them to be. A decent affair, I hope they get their break one of these days, but I’m left unmoved over this effort as with their last two albums. 6

Abyss: A work based on the horrific WW1 battlefield of Passchendaele, melodic death metal with massive balls and a song about life in the English countryside called “Drowning in mud”, it doesn’t get much better then that eh? Needless to say, God Dethroned kick major ass again after the boring “The toxic touch”. 8

Arise: The reckoning

6/10

Lord K: Their last album had its moments of fantastic songwriting and excellent groove. Seems like Arise kinda lost a little of what they cooked up back then on this new one. Sporting a killer production makes for a good listening experience anyways though it feels like something is missing. Maybe I just expected more of their modern metal that is, as always, executed with precision and knowledge. Nonetheless a quality effort with no surprises. Recommended tune: The instrumental (sort of, if you don’t count breaths and whatnot) “Pitch black”. 7

Kampfar: “Fucking hell”, was my initial reaction, but the second time around things weren’t quite as nice. Still, this is quality thrash performed by a lot well aware when to shift gears and generally mix shit up. 7

The Duff: Eh, take it or leave it metal, metalcore, whatever, nothing striking. 4

Abyss: I honestly thought this band had disappeared years ago but apparently not. There’s some new members, maybe they have improved the bands sound, or made it worse, I can’t remember what I thought of them on previous listens. But what I hear now isn’t that bad. Melodic death thrash that won’t blow anyone out of the water but definitely has some nice songs going. 6

Bibleblack: The black swan epilogue

5.75/10

Lord K: I love Mike Wead’s playing. He’s a beyond-fantastic axeman and hearing him piss out breathtaking solo after breathtaking solo is a joy. Bibleblack also got 3 fucken 6’s in their logo which should mean we are in for a treat. It can’t be utter failure with Satan on our side, right? Usually no, but Bibleblack’s not grabbing me completely with “The black swan epilogue”. It feels a little too disorientated and ends up being a hard-to-get mix of all kinds of influences. One second they sound like something Cradle Of Filth could shit out (and suck at it in the process) and the other we are greeted with some more rockish riffs accompanied by electronics and keyboards that really don’t fit in the stew. Then all of a sudden they sound like a full-on doom band. It feels kinda original when I think about it but still it loses my attention becoz it’s so much in there to discover and I don’t have the time to invest into it. Finally, 6i6le6lack don’t groove as much as I need them to, I think that’s the biggest problem. It might be a grower… We’ll see. Recommended tune: The title track is a real fucken depressing piece of doom and gloom. 6

Kampfar: The Qur’anpurple is a Swedish orchestra making quality music despite having an awful name. I’m not their biggest fan, nor will I ever be, but it turned out no hassle at all to hear through their debut, namely “The black swan epilogue”. On the contrary, I enjoyed the ride. Think experimental extreme metal light, think black, death and thrash mixed with a bit of that and then some. I could very well end up listening to this platter again. 7

The Duff: I once watched a six-odd episode series of Hentai (that’s manga porn) called Bible Black – it involved anal rape, Devil rape, gang-rape, rape with spectators, and quite a rich plot. Although I think this is actually quite decent, it does appear to be just slightly above the regular standard Swedodeath, mixing Skyfire (an awesome band that thankfully is on the way back), Children of Bodom, black metal and some hit and miss vocals, and I would much rather re-experience any one of the six or so life-changing visual experiences that the sordid Japanese passed my way through an experiment based on curiosity (and a handful of tugs… two handfuls) – the Cradle of Filth of melodeath, with Cradle of Filth/Septic Flesh grandness black metal and occasional doom, industrial, power and accessible metal, this is good for what it is. 6

Abyss: Not really my cup of tea. Mike Wead is one hell of a guitarist but there isn’t enough interesting things here to make this more than a “Oh that’s nice”-impression. Barely. 4

Unanimated: In the light of darkness

5.75/10

Lord K: Considered a somewhat classic band (why, exactly?), Unanimated are back with their beautiful logo on an album once again. Melodic black/death where the guitars are what shine the most with some quite cool riffs thruout the course of this disc. Recommended tune: “The unconquered one” holds a fucken fantastic opening section. 6

Kampfar: 2007 saw Unanimated reanimate after 11 years away. Be sure, this cunt didn’t miss them at all but their mix of black and death with a hint of melody is anyhow not the musical equivalent of bad vagina. Think (very) early In Flames, add a fair share of aggression, and you know circa what to expect. 7

The Duff: A rather tame black metal (and other guests) band that has some to offer, but overall I’ve got better to pursue as the music isn’t particularly consistent. 5

Abyss: I have no relationship to Unanimated what so ever other then that I know of them. So I can safely say that if it weren’t for their old timer legacy I probably wouldn’t be as impressed by this album as I am. And I’m not very impressed. So there. Nice that you keep on going, but I don’t really care. 5

Trigger The Bloodshed: The great depression

5.5/10

Lord K: Triggered kickdrums in 500 BPM? Check. Technical drumming and guitar work? Check. Decent production? Check. Insane US-type blasts (the ones who suck, you know)? Check. Absolutely irritating, competent and something I’ll never put on again? Fucken double check. Recommended tune: Anything by Necrophagist. 4

Kampfar: Technical anger dressed up in a woolly production is not a recipe for grand success. I don’t feel like suiciding while “The great depression” strolls along, actual know-how and talent is to be heard beneath the blur, so it’s almost a semi-shame that the producer decided to turn the whole shebang into a mess better known as white-noise. Think tech death with a hint of death-core. 5

The Duff: Fuck, I was expecting nu-metal and metalcore, and I got some heavy, tight, technical and well written black/death. Killer vocals, lots of layers, versatile, reminding me of all the regulars but at the same time a very specific, lesser known band I can’t put my finger on. Production is like a well-budgeted type of grainy which is sitting a little awkwardly with me, but aside from this minor setback the band is a real highlight for the year and one of the edition’s biggest surprises. 8

Abyss: Technical death metal, not abrasively unlistenable as a lot of other bands but not really catching enough for me to put it on again. Point reduction for their band name making me think they were metalcore. 5

Hearse: Single ticket to paradise

5.5/10

Lord K: Nice small Entombed touch to the guitar sound at times and an overall fine production by Dan Swanö for this semi-rockish metal band. Some former Arch Enemy member is included and that’s Hearse’s biggest achievement, and it’s not really an achievement when I think about it coz at the time of his membership status of that band they fucken sucked, so hey… Hearse is boring, that’s the nice way of putting it. But still it’s not, by far, the worst shit in this edition of Audio Autopsy. Recommended tune: “Degeneration X”. 4

Kampfar: Hearse at times remind me of Driller Killer, a sedated version of said band to be precise. Or, to be even more precise, a version not injection amphetamine into their veins. I of course favor the fucked up drug fiends but “Single ticket to paradise” remains a fine piece of death ‘n’ roll produced by none other than Gritty “Grittier than thou” Grittson. I love his work but perhaps he should have drunk a little less coffee when doing this one? Hey, I’m just asking. 7

The Duff: Not terrible, I’ve heard worse, but there are some clashes; they have a real great tone, but it serves better during the doom-y/Swedish death sections than the flashy, more upbeat moments. The musicians are clearly well above par as players, but I think despite the number of influences, these talented fellas don’t meld the varying styles to form something truly remarkable. I’ve also never been a fan of “Clandestine”-vocals, so with the awesome soloing I think we’re going with an average score. 5

Abyss: Potent death n roll with a distinct blues-touch. Sounds weird, I know, but it works surprisingly well. Just goes to show, Johan Liiva is not a bad singer, he just hadn’t found his proper home until Hearse. This is a very charming album, brimming with conviction and slightly off-kilter elements. Not bad! 6

Devin Townsend Project: Ki

5/10

Lord K: I still have to hear something from this man that justifies people’s “this guy’s a fucken genius” opinion about him. Devin Townsend fucken sucks, and so does all of his bands and projects. Except from one or 2 parts on the “City” album. This fucken recording shouldn’t even have been in this edition to begin with since it has nothing to do with metal, but hey… The best part with this disc is that it almost has my name in the title. Recommended tune: “Descend into the eternal pits of possession” by The Project Hate MCMXCIX. Available July 6th, 2009 on Vic Records. You didn’t see that coming, kid. Hah, I rule. 2

Kampfar: I have a huge amount of respect reserved for the wacky Canuck known as Mr. Townsend, I even dig “Ziltoid the omniscient”, but “Ki” will most likely never be digitally spun on my foobar2000 ever again. And the reason why is ‘cause “Ki” turned out to be an expertly performed and produced piece of boredom featuring only a few moments of brilliance. I haven’t got time for muzak. 5

The Duff: This album isn’t great; “hooks”-geared music isn’t what I know the man for. There are no layers to the music, the guy is retreading all of the failed aspects of shitty SYL and the very average “Ziltoid” album. Apparently an intro, if it gets “heavier” than this, I can’t see myself getting too absorbed into this four album undertaking. More heartbreaking than I let on – the guy is my favourite musician of all time, but he’s definitely burnt out on a creative front. I’m tired of the aggro vocals – they offer nothing; his peaceful side is the most endearing, but on this album it’s Floyd worship and nothing else. Before he would embody life experience through his music; now it’s become a tired formula that is devoid of any emotive qualities other than the most basic. Some people are claiming this to be impossible to classify – it’s Floyd, ambiance and very bad metal all played with no distortion; not the toughest thing to identify. The drumming is terrible; so uncertain – maybe intentional, but the time the guy’s supposedly been on the circuit does not shine through on this record. The days of this guy pushing the envelope are gone if Ki is anything to go by; I’m off to choke on my own dick now. 6

Abyss: The Canadian madman seem to have mellowed out again after the rather bizarre “Ziltoid the Ominscient” album. Inviting us on a nice and cool trip it’s hard not to compare it to “Terria” or “Infinity” and feel disappointed at first. That said “Ki” has some really inspired soloing so creatively I can see why Devy is quite pleased with this album and the album doesn’t require so much repeated listens as the right frame of mind when putting it on. So when you’re in the mood, this is damn good! 7

Firebird: Grand union

4.75/10

Lord K: Bill Steer is obviously a legend to many people… Why? Napalm Death fucken blew when he was with them. Carcass didn’t become listenable until Michael Amott entered the band and taught them how to write real songs. And now this fucken bluesy shit? Nah, I don’t think so. Steer (hahaha, I’m a genius) clear of this. Recommended tune: If tedious rock/blues shit is your cup of menstrual blood, any given song off of this will do. 3

Kampfar: I guess Bill Steer is the only reason Firebird features in this month’s edition of AA, that because “Grand union” is a platter of mediocre and at times embarrassing hard-rock the world seriously didn’t need to know anything about. 3

The Duff: An awesome Deep Purple/Sabbath-style band; clear as to why there’s nothing more to say. 9

Abyss: Ok, Bill Steer loves blues rock, fine. But unfortunately he’s no way near as talented when it comes to that as playing grind or death metal. Unless you have a hard-on for Black Crowes, best stay away. 4

Chimaira: The infection

4.25/10

Lord K: Chimaira are one of those band who always get lumped into the nu-metal fold by people. I don’t think that’s fair, even if I’m one of those doing it, hehe… They aren’t half as bad as you’d think they are, though I wouldn’t recommend this to the common death metaller even if they have some of those influences beneath their half-cheese’n‘chuggah metal. Chimaira rely on the heavier side of things so expect no furious blast sections. Instead, prepare yourself for modern metal played by talented musicians who know their shit. Anyways, nu-metal per se it’s not. Recommended tune: “On broken glass” initially speeds things up a little, which is nice after 73 songs of Chimaira’s mid tempo chuggah stuff. 5

Kampfar: Rumor has it that Chimaira is a run-of-the-mill, chugga-chugga, jump ‘da fuck up mallcore orchestra only suited for the angsty teenagers amongst us. I haven’t heard any of their offerings besides “The infection”, nor will I bother to, but based on what they are doing in 2009 I have to refute what I heard through the grapevine. In other words, this band has very little in common with Hatebreed. 7

The Duff: Ex-staffmember Syrrok would often cream over Chimaira, and I don’t get why; our opinions would converge many a time when it came to melodic death metal and Amon Amarth, but his palette seems averse to some forms of extreme metal and oddly accommodative to watered down bullshit such as Chimaira. Apologies to Syrrok for busting his chops, nothing to Chimaira but cancer and A.I.D.S. (surely this is a very poorly worded sentence); that’s how I role, with my balls tucked into my socks. 3

Abyss: Apparently, according to people who like the band, Chimaira is on the harder side of what is dubbed NWOAHM or metalcore by the media (the print ones, not the awesome ones like GD; we just call it abominable). They apparently tear shit up more ferociously than say As I lay Dying or Avenged Sevenfold… if you can imagine such a preposterous thing! Listen to “The infection” and I implore you, tell me fucking where they are hard! Jesus wept, I know I shouldn’t be surprised anymore, metalcore is hardly a new thing, but it is surprising how such a mediocre and faux heavy band like Chimaira can still have a record contract. 2

Ektomorf: What doesn’t kill me

2.5/10

Lord K: How many times will Sepultura be a reference in this coverage? Not nearly enough, that’s how many. Ektobarf is not a fucken band – it’s a fucken embarrassment. “Hey, let’s start a band that sounds EXACTLY like Sepultura, wouldn’t that be fun?”. No, what would be fun is that you guys lie down and fucken die on us coz this shit is pathetic. For a Sepultura album it would have been fine, but when something is so blatantly copied without any second thoughts… Seriously, you should fucken burn for this. Recommended tune: “Inner self” (something these idiots in Ektomorf are missing) by Sepultura. 2

Kampfar: Ektosmurf is a bit better than I expected them to be. It’s a shit band, no doubt about it, but their Sepultura rip-off mixed with a bit of Devil Driver, featuring a low-intensity clone of Max Cavalera on vocals, turned out only mildly irritating. The title of this album, on the other hand, infuriates me down to the very core. Why? Well, if I kidnapped Mr. Vocalist and removed both his legs and testicles, without killing him of course, I have a hard time imagining him thanking me afterwards for making him into stronger individual. Or how about lobotomy? I win. 3

The Duff: Bad Sepultura-love. Baaaaaaaaaaaaaad Sepultura-love. 2

Abyss: The Soulfly worship isn’t as blatant, so that means it’s just ordinary jumpdafuckup-metal with Max Cavalera vocals. US and UK should love this. 3

Lacuna Coil: Shallow life

2.25/10

Lord K: My review for this album caused some of their fans to choke on their mothers’ milk and all of a sudden I had another bunch of idiots yelling at me for being so mean to their fave band (we must never forget the first batch of semen eaters that threw a complete fit; the Nightfish fans). I got news for you, losers; this album still blows and you can all go fuck yourselves, pathetic little vermin. And just becoz I can I will even lower the score compared to my review coz it hasn’t gotten better with time I just noticed. This shit is even more irritating now. Soulless music for soulless people. Fuck you all. Recommended tune: I like the chorus of “I’m not afraid”. They have done that chorus over and over in their career though so expect nothing new. 3

Kampfar: This bunch of well-known Italians come across as a mix of Evanescence and Linkin Park, which is why I think they should be shot in the face and have their fan-base deported to a new and highly improved version of Treblinka. For the sake of accuracy the abomination known as “Shallow life” should have been titled: “Shallow MTV metal made for twats who think cuddling and comforting will solve all problems ever”. Fuck off ye do-gooding kittens. 2

The Duff: I was expecting the male vocals to be very bad based on The Lord’s review, and wasn’t too put off at first only to discover they progressively worsen the longer you’re exposed to them. Italy’s biggest export next to cheese and crime, I wish I could see the day a band as gifted as Hour of Penance wipes the fucken floor with these catsare di bruschetta mangare benzotooti margarita noooooo Baggio, porque? (I think that’s correct) in album sales, because they deserve the exposure far more; yeah, music is subjective and all that ballacks, but this isn’t good and would be worth jackshit without Scabbia’s vocals and flesh-muffin: I wish I could earn a living writing half-assed riffs drenched in financial backing. Points for the album’s concept, though – here’s to the people who crawl up a celebrity’s asshole to sample a morning’s pre-shat shit before giddily rushing off to discuss the texture, smell and flavor to their friends as though they’ve re-invented the wheel, only to discover they’re not as astute as Sigmund Freud and there’s chips and baked beans for dinner – goodie. 2

Abyss: Shallow fucking life indeed. Here’s something shallow: all the fans that say they like Lacuna Coil but really just want to get a nipple-slip from Scabbia. We know these people not as music fans, but as virgins. Oh, and the music fucking blows. 2